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The Pompey Paramedic
It’s that time of the year when we load up our plates with all the good stuff: meats or nut roast, Yorkshire puddings and roast potatoes, to name but a few. ‘Good’ in terms of taste, but maybe not so ‘good’ in terms of health.
Don’t worry, this article isn’t a lecture.
One food type that helps us feel slightly better about our dietary choices during the festive period is the hardy vegetable. Sprouts, parsnips, peas, I’ll take them all! There is one vegetable, however, that I’m not so keen on…
I think back to a frontline job I attended one Christmas, where our ambulance cab screen lit up just before midnight with the words: ‘Cooking injury’.
Naturally, my crewmate and I began to suspect whether a burn or a utensil caused the injury. Upon arrival at the patient’s property, the front door was open ajar and we made our presence known before walking into the hallway. “In here!” was the slightly concerned reply from the kitchen.
As we entered the kitchen, we were met by a man, hunched forward whilst holding his stomach, in seeming discomfort, with four or five vegetables of varying sizes at his feet.
Oh, and he was completely naked. A few seconds of silence passed.
“How can we help?” my colleague asked the patient.
“Funny story,” the patient began, still appearing somewhat uncomfortable. “I was cooking, and once I finished, I decided to clean up. But I slipped on the wet floor and landed on this bag of vegetables, and now my butt hurts so much because I think there’s something stuck!”
If kale-tumbleweed existed, one would have rolled past at this point.
“Just for paperwork purposes,” I questioned, “you were cooking, ate your dinner and then cleaned up, all whilst naked, slipped on the floor and have landed perfectly on an upright vegetable that you now think has become stuck?”
The gentleman nodded enthusiastically in agreement with my assessment of the situation.
“Would you mind if we take a quick look to see what’s going on?”
With that, the man turned around and slowly bent forward.
I won’t describe too much of what we witnessed that night, but let’s just say after the several conversations explaining to the patient how we were not able to “just pull it out”, and that hospital treatment would be needed to rectify (*ahem*) the current situation, my crewmate and I gave said vegetable variety a miss for a good few weeks afterwards…
Well, I hope you all enjoy your Christmases, wherever and however you choose to celebrate it. Although cooking and cleaning are expected during this time, I must warn you that it can be risky – especially when leftover vegetables seem eager for revenge! Stay safe – and dress appropriately out there Pompey.
Posted in: Food & Drink, Health & Fitness
